Sweet Surrender

A lot of my blogs are about things in parenthood, or life, that are hard, or things that I’m currently struggling with. I’ve always written about those topics, because I think it’s important not to sugar coat things, especially something as raw and real as having a baby. I’ve also written a lot about my insecurities, about the parts of me and my life that I’m not happy with. But there are so many amazing, beautiful, wonderful things that I don’t write about much (except via Facebook status, because it’s easy to jot a quick “here’s what’s awesome right now” on Facebook).

It’s harder for me to write about all the great things that happen with James, because when I was pregnant, I was cautioned not to rub my happiness in other peoples’ faces. And I took that information to heart. I know so many people who desperately want children, who for whatever reason don’t have them, and I know that me broadcasting my joy might cause them pain, and I never want to do that. But in the spirit of being honest, I DO want to share my joys. I hope I can do so without causing you or someone you care for pain.

I named my blog “Sweet Surrender” because to be a mother, you have to surrender your old life to your new life. You’re no longer just an individual. You now are an individual whose whole being, whole world, is wrapped around this tiny little human. And while surrendering is hard, and sometimes unpleasant, because you’re surrendering to this little, perfect being, it’s also sweet. It’s the choice to surrender your life to this person and to do so, even when it’s tough, gladly.

To honor that act of surrender, and to show anyone who’s pregnant or thinking of having a baby that it’s not all hard, I want to share some milestones that my son has reached so far.

In the last month, James has started rolling over! My tiny, squishy baby is now a big, strong big-boy-baby! When I lay him on a blanket, he rolls all around–on his sides, his belly, his back. He rubs his sweet face into the blanket and looks up at me with a spit-covered smile. On his back, he grabs his feet and shoves his sweet toes in his mouth. He can also sit up now! Sort of. He face plants a lot, but we practice on the bed, and he’s doing such an amazing job learning how to control and maneuver his body.

He has two teeth that have popped through his lower gums, and aside from a few nights where he was up every hour, he’s been such a trooper. He wakes up once or twice a night to eat, and that’s it (right now, anyway). Part of me is heartbroken that he’ll never be toothless again, and part of me cannot WAIT to see his toothy smile. With those two new teeth, he’s started eating cereals! We started with rice and have now transitioned to oatmeal, and he loves them both.

James laughs and smiles most of the day, and it’s such a joy, such an absolute joy, to see him get excited whenever he sees me walk into a room. He’s funny, too (if a 6 month old can be funny). When he sees our dog, Juno, he starts babbling and laughing. He loves her so much. If she walks by, he loses it! And when we change his diaper, and put that cold wipe on him, he laughs and laughs and laughs. Everything he does, he does with joy (except get hungry–he gets hangry instead, just like his mom). He’s also started making this sound where he buzzes his lips, kind of like he’s blowing a raspberry, and he sounds like a very loud baby elephant. He’s such a little weirdo, and I love everything about him.

When I dreamed of having babies (and I’ve dreamed of that for YEARS–if you’ve known a while, you know that) I never dreamed that my son would be so joyful. He reminds me to be joyful every day. He’s our tiny man, our big boy, our sweet, wonderful beedoh.

So, the next time I write a blog about one of the many struggles that go along with parenting (of which there are many), I hope I remember to include on of the joys, too, because while the struggles are numerous, the joys, even the small ones, outnumber them by a long shot.

6monthsold eating lyingdown

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